[4] Can Christians divorce and remarry?

Can I remarry according to the Bible?

When Christians divorce and remarry now, and historically, many churches would not accept them into membership.

Those who were divorced or remarried were seen as having committed an unforgivable sin in certain churches in that they were barred from membership.

Thankfully, this has changed more recently, but some groups still hold the view that if Christians divorce, or divorce and remarry, then there is no way back – it becomes unforgivable, which seems odd when you look at how Jesus spoke to people.

Surely if Christians divorce and remarry that is not the end of the road – never to be able to join a church?
A divorced Christian is often a shunned person, an outcast in Christian circles.

How does God view divorce and remarriage?
Is divorce a sin in Christianity?

1. The Church Father’s strong views that Christians cannot divorce.

The Church Fathers answered the question, ‘Could Christians divorce and remarry?’ based upon just a few verses in the Bible which gave a distorted picture.
Some Christians still base their views upon a few biblical texts.

Here are some of the teachings of the Church Fathers on divorce and remarriage:

[1] An unknown author of ‘The Shepherd of Hermas’, written in the late first half of the second century, had a rigid view on divorce for Christians:

The Shepherd of Hermas, an early Christian work on the subject, teaches that while fornication is the only reason that divorce can ever be permitted, remarriage with another person is forbidden to allow repentance and reconciliation of the husband and wife (those who refuse to forgive and receive their spouse are guilty of a grave sin).” ¹

‘Christian views on divorce’ Wikipedia ²

[2] Ambrose of Milan (c. 339–397), venerated as Saint Ambrose, a theologian and statesman who served as Bishop of Milan ³ stated:

No one is permitted to know a woman other than his wife.
The marital right is given you for this reason: lest you fall into the snare and sin with a strange woman.
‘If you are bound to a wife do not seek a divorce’; for you are not permitted, while your wife lives, to marry another”

Abraham 1:7:59 Ambrose of Milan [A.D. 387] ⁴

[3] The Council of Elvira, Spain in about 300–303 A.D. or in 309 A.D. ⁵ stated:

Likewise, a woman of the faith [i.e., a baptized person] who has left an adulterous husband of the faith and marries another, her marrying in this manner is prohibited.
If she has so married, she may not receive Communion—unless he that she has left has since departed from this world.”

Canon 9. Council of Elvira ‘Marriage and Divorce’ Church Fathers.

Later in this article, we will look at more scriptural verses which show a softer view.

2. The Roman Catholic Church and divorce.

The Roman Catholic Church also based its views on marriage and divorce upon just a few verses in the Bible which gave a rigid, limited interpretation.

By the ninth or tenth century, the number of divorced people dropped due to the Roman Catholic Church’s teachings which decreed that marriage was instituted by God and Christ and was therefore indissoluble by mere human action. ⁶

In 1439 the Roman Catholic Council of Florence put into church law the practices of the last twelve centuries and defined marriage as a sacrament.
It meant that marriage was insoluble “since the bond of a legitimately contracted marriage was perpetual.” ⁷

Civil courts had no power over marriage or divorce and the Roman Catholic Church historically opposed the legalization of civil divorce in Catholic countries.

The Roman Catholic Church makes no provision for divorce, but a declaration of nullity may be granted when there is proof that essential conditions for contracting a valid marriage were absent. ⁸

3. How did Jesus react to those who were divorced?

When anyone brings up the subject of ‘Can Christians divorce and remarry’ I like to think about how Jesus reacted to people.
Jesus went to many meals and parties and we never read that he pointed his finger at them.

Yes, he publicly exposed the sin of hypocrisy in the religious leaders, because that was blinding people to the truth and blocking their way to salvation, but he didn’t expose the people at those parties.

Imagine, there would have been fornicators, thieves, adulterers, deceivers, those who were divorced and violent people there, but he said nothing!
He did not condemn anyone:

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.”

John 3:17-18 NIV

In fact, many people were drawn to him because he was not judgmental.

Jesus was put into a situation where the scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery.
They dragged her in front of Jesus and said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women…”

Jesus had not singled her out and pointed his finger at her.
He did not choose this situation, would Jesus have to condemn her?

So “Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground.” ⁹
Now, this is significant, because in the Old Testament God gave Moses on “Mount Sinai, the two tablets of the testimony, tablets of stone, written with the finger of God.” ¹⁰

The Law condemned this woman – it had been written by the finger of God on stone.

But here, Jesus is in the temple and writing on the dusty stone floor his law of the New Testament of no condemnation:

Jesus straightened up and asked her,
‘Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?’
‘No one, sir,’ she said.
‘Then neither do I condemn you,’ Jesus declared. ‘Go now and leave your life of sin.’ “

John 8:10-11 NIV

The woman was sleeping with other men, but Jesus did not condemn her, he told her to change her lifestyle, in other words, to turn to God and to stop sleeping with other men.

If she had been in a group of people near Jesus, he would not have singled her out to tell her to leave her life of sin.

If she had approached Jesus he would probably have gently pointed out what she was doing and shown her a better way.

An example of this is the Samaritan woman at the well.
Jesus started the conversation by asking her for a drink and then he spoke about living water.
Jesus then said to her, “Go call your husband and come here.” ¹¹
He knew that she had lived with six different men, but he didn’t rebuke her.

He gently told her about having six men, to which she responded with, “Sir, I perceive that you are a prophet.”
Then she and Jesus went on to talk about worship.

After talking about worship she says, “I know that Messiah is coming (he who is called Christ). When he comes, he will tell us all things.”
Jesus said to her, “I who speak to you am he.”
She then goes back to her town and says to them there, “Come, see a man who told me all that I ever did. Can this be the Christ?”

Does this sound like someone who had been condemned, publicly shamed and rebuked?
Where does Jesus condemn her?
How does Jesus rebuke her?

He did not condemn her and he did not rebuke her.
Jesus showed her a better way which resulted in her believing in the Messiah and many from her town were also converted.

If Christians divorce and remarry, Jesus says, “I do not condemn you”.

Jesus cannot say to someone who is divorced, “Leave your life of sin” because they probably have gone through all the guilt and regret of ending the marriage.

Jesus lived a perfect life, but we all fail and fall short of God’s glory, that is the whole point of the Gospel.

4. It is easy to condemn a Christian who is divorced.

I come across good Christian families that have not experienced huge conflict within their relationships, they’ve had no kids that go off the rails, no drugs, no violent or abusive situations, no breakups and understandably they sincerely believe that everything and anything can be worked through.

But they haven’t experienced someone who refuses to change or is violent, or who gambles all the money away, or who verbally or physically abuses their partner, or who continues to have other partners.

I used to be one of those people who believed that there was no divorce for Christians.

But God does not expect us to carry on indefinitely in an abusive situation if the other person is not going to change.
Would God really expect someone to constantly suffer without any legal way out?

We must not become legalistic.
Do we see things by the letter of the law, or from a place of grace?
Grace has forgiveness, love and acceptance and we need to remember that we too can fall, however ‘devout’ we think we are.

5. God supplies a way out even if it seems contrary to his law

You may think ‘How can that ever be true… contrary to his law!”

Most people would agree that it is God’s will for a couple to marry for life and for it to remain as just the two of them. Agreed?

But in the Old Testament, if a lady’s husband died and she had no son, she would be left in a very vulnerable position in that society and probably wouldn’t be able to support herself.

So God provided an answer, a way out of her suffering, that would seem contrary to God’s own law.
The Sadducees were referring to this in Deuteronomy 25 when they spoke to Jesus:

Teacher, Moses wrote for us that if a man’s brother dies and leaves a wife but no children, the man must marry the widow and raise up offspring for his brother.”

Luke 20:28 NIV

That would mean that he had two wives!
We would say categorically that having two wives is wrong and unbiblical, but here the Lord is saying that it is okay in this circumstance!

God wanted to provide for that lady to stop her suffering, even though it seemed contrary to His own Law.

Does God disregard those who live their lives without him?
What is our conscience – can we trust it?

6. What does the Bible say about divorce and remarriage?

The Rev Dr David Instone-Brewer, an Honorary Research Fellow in
Rabbinics and the New Testament, at Tyndale House, Cambridge UK, has written an acclaimed book called: “Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible and in the Church”.
I have heard him speak on several occasions and have had the pleasure of having lunch with him and his wife and I can say that his motives are to get to the biblical truth as seen in the first century.
For example:

This book (written by David Instone-Brewer) interprets the words of Jesus and Paul through the eyes of first century readers who knew about the ‘Any Cause’ divorce which Jesus was asked about (“Is it lawful to divorce for ‘Any Cause’” – Mt.19.3).
Christians in following generations forgot about the ‘Any Cause’ divorce and misunderstood Jesus.
The ‘Any Cause’ divorce was invented by some Pharisees who divided up the phrase “a cause of indecency” (Dt.24.1) into two grounds for divorce: “indecency” (porneia which they interpreted as ‘Adultery’) and “a cause” (ie ‘Any Cause’).
Jesus said the phrase could not be split up and that it meant “nothing except porneia”.
Although almost everyone was using this new type of divorce, Jesus told them that it was invalid, so remarriage was adulterous because they were still married.”

‘Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible and in the Church’ by Rev Dr David Instone-Brewer ¹²

The conclusions in his book are:

• The Bible’s message for those suffering within marriage is both realistic and loving.
• Marriage should be lifelong, but broken marriage vows can be grounds for divorce.
• Biblical grounds for divorce include adultery, abuse and abandonment.
• Jesus urged forgiveness but allowed divorce for repeated unrepentant breaking of marriage vows.
• Only the victim, not the perpetrator of such sins, should decide when or whether to divorce.
• Anyone who divorces on biblical grounds or who is divorced against their will can remarry.

So if David’s conclusion is followed, then it is okay to get divorced and remarry without any feelings of condemnation:

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.”

Romans 8:1-2 ESV

How do we keep our conscience clear when we are under a bad authority?
What does Jesus say to his disciples when they argue about which one of them is the greatest?
Jesus said: “Blessed are the poor in spirit...” How can that be?
Jesus wanted to commend and encourage a lady’s faith when she reached out to him.
Jesus says that he will set us free, but surely we aren’t slaves…?
Jesus went to Jairus’ house and said that his daughter was just asleep – the crowd laughed at Jesus!

7. FrequentlyAsked Questions (FAQ)

References and credits – open in new tabs:

1. Taylor, Dean (24 November 2008). “Divorce and also Remarriage in the Early Church”. Radical Reformation. Retrieved 30 August 2021. ↩

2. ‘Christian views on divorce’ Wikipedia last edited on 10 August 2023. ↩

3. ‘Ambrose’ Wikipedia last edited on 22 January 2024 ↩

4. Abraham 1:7:59 Ambrose of Milan [A.D. 387]’Marriage and Divorce’ Church Fathers. ↩

5. ‘Council of Elvira’ Encyclopaedia Britannica. 20 July 1998 ↩

6. Canons of the Council of Trent, Twenty-fourth Session. Waterworth, J., ed. (1848). “Session the Twenty-Fourth”. The Council of Trent: The canons and decrees of the sacred and oecumenical Council of Trent. Translated by Waterworth. London: Dolman. pp. 192–232. Retrieved 2006-09-18 – via Hanover Historical Texts Project. ↩

7. “Eccumenical Council of Florence and Council of Basel”. 18 November 2000. ↩

8. ‘Christian views on divorce’ Wikipedia last edited on 10 August 2023. ↩

9. John 8:6 ESV ↩

10. Exodus 31:18 ESV ↩

11. John 4:16 ESV ↩

12. “Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible and in the Church” by Rev Dr David Instone-Brewer ↩